Taking Stress On by Michelle Vandepol

Working mother

Taking stress on – it’s better than the alternative.

There are many potential sources of stress in modern everyday life, from the mundane – dishwasher breaking, to the pivotal – mommy or daddy losing their job. Usually we can deal with isolated stressors, but there are times, especially in economically challenging times, that a million tiny stressors can add up to something much bigger.

Take that original dishwasher. It might not be a big deal, even if it didn’t get fixed right away. One can always wash the dishes by hand. But if you add it to a family who is worrying about employment, behind on their bills, and short cash for everyday necessities; trying to sell their home and keep it showing ready, and having issues with their kids who are affected by parental arguing, or dealing with single parenting, you have a recipe for deserved melt-down. If bottled up and turned into a bitter or self-pitying spirit, negativity becomes a hard monkey on the back to shake.

The advice here, is not don’t worry, be happy. While thinking positive is an asset to your game plan, there are times when it feels nearly impossible. Being realist about your stressors, even listing them, is fine. In fact taking time to give yourself kudos for dealing with them all, can alleviate some of the stress of the feeling of not being enough.

No matter how difficult the circumstances, they will not always be this way.
Don’t measure your difficult life against another’s seemingly easier one. Much of what we see of others’ lives is a façade. If their lives are in this moment easier, they might have difficult times coming, or in their past. Instead of focusing on others, think of the skills you are acquiring in having less in the way of resources and the ways you can provide for your children the way no one else can. Put those bills aside, do the damage you can on them come payday, and try to enjoy the days between.

It’s time to put some of your needs upfront so you can deal with the stress that is bombarding you. Ok, so this is probably not the time to get an expensive gym membership or book spa appointments, but there are little things that can save your mind. A new novel or movie from the library, a brisk ten minute walk by yourself, a coffee out with a friend – they can recharge you as much a something a hundred times their price.

Remember that you want to come out of this challenging place with your relationships intact. Taking our stress out on our families wears away at that glue that holds us together in the first place. We can require the same restraint for the rest of our family members as well. So if a spouse is complaining about the budget dinner or the kids are upset that they cannot get the things that you used to be able to treat them to, do not place those additional stressors on yourself. It seems noble to worry about fixing their distress, but it could very well be more damaging in the long run, when you are lose it on them for their lack of gratitude even when you are making sacrifices for them.

So don’t. Learning to deal with some uncomfortable realities is part of life. You are still providing them with love and food and shelter. If you are the only one juggling the demands of the household, delegate some. With the freed up time, your family can try to overrun the difficulties with the good stuff. By replacing the lacking with a new lifestyle – things like putting something small and fun on each day of the calendar – a trip to the park, doing something outdoorsy, crafting or baking together, inviting friends over, taking in an outdoor concert, or hitting garage sales.

Later you will look at this chapter in your life and will not remember its difficulty clearly, but the things you learned and the strength of your relationships will still serve you.